What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
