just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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