I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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