The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
