Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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