The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
