so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
