I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
