Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
