24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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