My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
