I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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