I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
