I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
