Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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