guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
