It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What drink are we having for lunch?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
