i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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