Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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