Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
