I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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