everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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