If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
