dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
