Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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