remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Moan for me like Helen Keller
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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