I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
