it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
