ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Boobs are out for the taking
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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