At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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