here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Come on in and take your pants off
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