PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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