the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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