Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
