She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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