I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
