I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
