Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
