No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
