This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What a dumb baby whore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
