not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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