She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
