can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
