I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
