Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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