He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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