The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There are leaves in my underwear?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
