she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
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I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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