I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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