I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
