people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
