It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
