I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
