Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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