let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
