i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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