You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
