im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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