I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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