doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
